How to Find Your "People" on X Without Cold DMing

Cold DMs don't work. Response rates hover around 4-8%, and most of those responses are polite rejections or silence. The people you actually want to connect with,creators, founders, collaborators,have DMs full of strangers pitching things.

But the alternative isn't giving up on building relationships. It's building them differently: through visibility first, conversation second, and DMs only when you've earned the right to send one.

Here's how to find and connect with your people without becoming another ignored message.

Why Cold Outreach Fails on X

X wasn't designed for cold outreach. Unlike LinkedIn, where connection requests are expected, X's DMs feel invasive when they come from strangers. Most professionals don't accept DMs from unknown accounts. Even when they do, the response rate is a fraction of what warm outreach achieves.

The numbers tell the story: warm outreach converts at 30-50% compared to cold email's 0.2-2%. People reply 3-5x more often if you've already shown up in their notifications with genuine engagement before reaching out.

Manual, strategic engagement sees 60% higher conversion rates than automation-heavy approaches. The difference isn't the message,it's the relationship that precedes it.

The Engagement-First Approach

Before you ever send a DM, you should be visible. Familiar. Someone they recognize.

The process:

Step 1: Support before anything else. Like 4-5 posts from the person you want to connect with. Leave thoughtful comments that actually contribute,not "Great post!" but perspectives that add value.

Step 2: Build recognition. Your profile picture should appear repeatedly in their notifications over days or weeks. They start seeing your name. They start noticing your contributions.

Step 3: Wait for the right moment. Only after you've established presence,after they might actually recognize you,does a DM become appropriate. And even then, it should offer value, not ask for something.

This isn't gaming the system. It's how relationships actually work. You wouldn't walk up to a stranger at a conference and pitch your product. You'd have a conversation first. X is the same.

Finding the Right People

Not everyone is worth building a relationship with. Strategic targeting matters.

X Communities are topic-based groups integrated into the platform. They function like Reddit subreddits or Facebook Groups,people gathered around shared interests. Search for communities related to your niche, join 3-5 that seem active, and start engaging with members.

Twitter Lists let you curate accounts for focused engagement. Create private lists for different categories: industry experts you want to learn from, peers at similar stages, potential collaborators, and people whose work you genuinely admire. Public lists can also be networking tools,adding someone to a list called "Creators I Learn From" often gets noticed. Learn more about using lists strategically.

Hashtags still work for discovery, though less than before. Search niche hashtags (not just trending ones) to find accounts discussing topics you care about. The Explore tab shows trending topics by location if you want to join broader conversations.

The accounts of accounts: Look at who your target follows, who replies to their posts, who engages regularly. These adjacent accounts often share interests and are easier to connect with than the original target. Use this to build watchlists of accounts to engage with.

Targeting Different Account Sizes

Your approach should vary based on who you're engaging with:

Larger accounts (50K+ followers): Your goal is visibility. Leave valuable replies on their posts. If your comment is good enough, their audience sees it. Don't expect reciprocal engagement,they get too many replies. But visibility compounds. See replying to big accounts for specific tactics.

Peers (10K-50K followers): The sweet spot for relationship building. These accounts are established enough to provide value but not so large that they can't engage back. Mutual support networks form here.

Smaller accounts (under 10K): Invest in future relationships. Today's 2K-follower creator might be tomorrow's 50K account. Engaging early builds recognition and goodwill that larger accounts rarely reciprocate.

Mix your engagement across all three tiers. Visibility from large accounts, relationships with peers, reciprocity from emerging creators.

The Comment Section Strategy

Your comments are your first impression. They need to earn attention.

What doesn't work:

• "Great post!" or any variant
• Emoji-only responses
• Generic praise that could apply to any tweet
• Self-promotion ("I wrote about this!")
• Excessive flattery that feels inauthentic

What works:

• Adding a perspective the original poster didn't include
• Sharing a relevant experience that extends the conversation
• Asking a genuine question that shows you read the content
• Respectfully disagreeing with reasoning

When you add value in comment sections of larger accounts, their followers see your insights and click through to your profile. When you consistently add value to someone's posts, they're more likely to notice,and eventually engage with,your content.

When DMs Become Appropriate

After weeks of engagement,after your name is familiar in their notifications,you can consider a DM. But even then, the message matters.

Appropriate scenarios:

• Following up on a public conversation that naturally warrants privacy
• Sharing a resource that specifically helps them (not your product)
• Proposing a collaboration based on mutual interests you've established
• Asking a genuine question that doesn't fit a public thread

The message itself:

• Start with context: "I've enjoyed your posts about [specific topic] for a while now"
• Reference previous interactions if you've had them
• Offer value or express genuine curiosity,don't ask for anything
• Keep it brief

What not to do:

• Send identical messages to multiple people
• Pitch anything in the first message
• Request calls, meetings, or significant time commitments
• Follow up more than once if you don't get a response

The DM should feel like a natural extension of an existing connection, not the start of one.

Building Real Relationships

The best connections on X happen organically. Some patterns from creators who've done it well:

Justin Welsh and Austin Belcak first connected when Austin DMd Justin to tell him he was posting on LinkedIn wrong,and shared a PDF about copywriting as value-first outreach. Four years later, their combined following exceeds 1.8 million. The relationship started with genuine help, not a sales pitch.

Another creator grew from 7K to 28K followers in nine months by building a niche community around sustainable productivity. She focused on serving a specific audience rather than chasing numbers,and the numbers followed.

A freelance writer grew from 500 to 15K followers by hosting weekly Twitter Spaces interviews with editors, sharing real pitches that worked (and failed), and openly discussing income milestones and mistakes. Transparency and genuine helpfulness built trust faster than polished content.

The pattern: lead with value, build in public, connect over shared interests beyond just work. Personal connections strengthen professional relationships.

Twitter Spaces as a Relationship Accelerator

Live audio removes the polish that creates distance. People hear real voices, natural speech patterns, unscripted responses. Spaces builds trust faster than written content.

Join Spaces in your niche and contribute thoughtfully. When you add value in a live conversation, the host and other participants notice. After the Space, DM people who contributed insights: "Loved what you shared about [topic],would love to continue that conversation."

Hosting your own Spaces creates opportunities for deeper connection. Invite guests, facilitate discussions, and follow up with participants afterward. The relationships formed through live audio are often stronger than those built through text alone.

The Long Game

Finding your people isn't a tactic,it's a practice. Daily engagement, genuine curiosity, and consistent value-adding compounds over months.

The accounts that build real networks aren't the ones with the cleverest DM templates. They're the ones who show up every day, contribute to conversations, and let relationships develop naturally.

You don't need 100 connections. A dozen genuine relationships with the right people,collaborators, peers, mentors,is worth more than a thousand cold contacts who never respond.

Stop optimizing for response rates. Start optimizing for relationships. The right people will notice.